


i never wanted this

by DragonsAndCryptids



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Gen, Heavy Angst, I have nothing else to say, Tragedy, basically gray kills natsu in one and natsu kills gray in the other, can be read platonically or romanically, the chapters aren't consecutive, this is just very sad, whichever you prefer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27874665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonsAndCryptids/pseuds/DragonsAndCryptids
Summary: Erza never got there in time to stop them, and there were only two other ways for their fight to end.Natsu would kill Gray. Or Gray would kill Natsu.
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel & Gray Fullbuster
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	1. let it burn

**Author's Note:**

> Me and my friend were being angsty in the chat now y'all get to experience it too

Didn’t Gray  _ understand!?  _ Understand that Natsu  _ had _ to do this? Zeref had to die, and  _ he _ had to be the one to kill him! Why was Gray trying to stop him?  _ Why!? _

Natsu didn’t  _ want _ to hurt him. Or at least… he hadn’t in the beginning. But the longer the ice mage stalled him, kept him from carrying out what he’d been created for, the more frantic Natsu became. 

It didn’t help that Gray kept hurting him. And if Natsu was too heavily injured to kill Zeref, then that was just as bad! He couldn’t  _ afford _ to face Zeref with so many injuries! Already, the frost crawling over his body was making it harder to move, and the cuts slicing through his skin stung, blood slowly dripping from them. 

He dug his claws into Gray’s shoulder, grinning in satisfaction as a chunk of skin was torn away and the ice mage cried out in pain. 

It was strange. 

Natsu  _ thought _ he liked fighting Gray. He’d… he liked fighting Gray in the past, right? So why was it so miserable now? Why did he feel so awful? So sad? So guilty? 

Sure, the feelings were muffled, being smothered out by hate and anger, but they were still there. 

He willed his flames to burn hotter and thicker. If he could drive Gray into a corner, that might give him the advantage he needed to end this. He’d wasted enough time here; he had to get to  _ Zeref. _

Ice nipped at his feet as it spread across the ground. Gray narrowly avoided the blaze of fire that had been aimed at him, using his magic to try and negate the heat. 

Natsu snarled in frustration. He  _ hated _ the cold. 

He wanted this  _ over. _ He wanted Gray  _ out of his way. _ And if that meant getting him out of the way for good, then so fucking be it! 

He noticed Gray create a little knife made of ice, and Natsu nearly snorted. Did he really think something like that could kill him? 

He bounded forward, flexing his talons. 

Gray tried to dodge, to duck his head and fall back a step, but he wasn’t fast enough. 

Natsu howled with laughter as his claws shredded through Gray’s throat, tearing into his skin and ripping it to shreds. 

Blood spurted out, exploding from the gashes in the soft tissue. 

Gray’s eyes blew wide, shock and horror blooming to life in them. His hands shot up to his throat, desperately trying to hold the gaping tears closed, but blood spurted between his fingers, running down his wrists and chest, staining his pretty skin. 

“I told you to stay out of my way,” Natsu hissed, closing what little distance that remained between them, just before Gray fell to his knees, his hands still desperately trying to stop the blood flow. “You should have listened.” 

Wet, hacking coughs forced their way out of Gray’s mouth, followed by choked wheezing. His mouth opened and closed, like he had something he desperately needed to say, but he couldn’t get the words out. 

His skin grew even paler as an impossible amount of blood flowed from the wounds, and his hands fell away. His erratic heartbeat began to falter, stuttering and growing weaker and weaker. 

A bolt of panic shot through Natsu, and the world snapped back to an awful clarity. The rage and determination that had been clouding his judgement drying up quicker than a drop of water in dry sand. 

What…. 

What had Natsu just  _ done!?  _

“Gray!” He lunged forward, catching his best friend, just before he collapsed face down on the ground. “No, no, I didn’t— I just wanted—” He held Gray up, even as his head lolled forward, and his blood poured into Natsu’s lap. “Gray?” he whimpered. 

The ice mage didn’t respond, going completely limp in Natsu’s grasp. 

Natsu gasped, letting go of his friend, and Gray slumped against his chest, his hot blood soaking into Natsu’s clothes. 

His eyes widened in horror, and Natsu dared to look down at his hand. The talons might have disappeared, but the blood was still caked beneath his nails, still slid down his fingers. 

It wasn’t the first time Natsu had made Gray bleed, not by a long shot, but this was the first time it had been  _ this much _ blood, enough to knock Gray out. 

“Hey…” Natsu grabbed Gray’s shoulders, careful of the one he’d already torn into. “Gray, you gotta wake up. This— We’re in the middle of a war, now really isn’t the time for this. We… We can find Wendy, alright?” As gently as he possibly could, Natsu shook his friend. 

Gray’s head tipped backwards, revealing the horrific gashes in his throat, the muscles and tendons exposed to the world. The blood flow had slowed, but still stubbornly continued to leak. 

“I’m sorry,” Natsu rasped, his voice growing desperate. “Is that what you wanna hear? Huh? I’m sorry!” 

Gray didn’t move, didn’t respond at all. He was terribly still, his mouth hanging open, and the sunlight reflecting in his dull eyes. 

“Gray…?” 

Dread pooled in Natsu’s gut, and he realized… realized that… 

He couldn’t hear a heartbeat. 

“No…” He let go of Gray, jerking backwards, and his friend’s body fell back, crumpling on the ground with a dull  _ thud. _

_ “NO!”  _ Natsu screamed. 

Fire exploded around him, raging across the ground, greedily incinerating anything it came into contact with. 

“No, no, no, no!” Natsu picked Gray back up, desperately shaking his body. “No, you’re fine! You’re  _ fine! _ I didn’t— It wasn’t me! It  _ wasn’t me!”  _ he wailed. 

Why had he brushed off what Zeref had revealed to him? Why hadn’t he  _ told anyone? _ Why had he so  _ stupidly _ thought that he could handle it? That he would  _ never _ hurt anyone that he cared about? 

“I’m sorry!” he cried, his tears evaporating the second they dripped from his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry!” 

He’d just wanted to kill Zeref…. That was it… 

Not Gray.  _ Never _ Gray. 

He’d killed his best friend, his… 

Natsu fell forward, still desperately clinging onto his best friend’s corpse. “Wake up! Come back! I don’t care if you hate me forever,  _ please!  _ Please just get up!” He curled around Gray’s body, his fingers hooking on his blood-slicked necklace. 

He buried his nose in Gray’s hair, taking a deep breath, wanting,  _ needing _ to memorize his scent before it vanished forever, even if it was already tinted by the scent of death. “Don’t leave me…” he whimpered. “Please… I’m sorry… I promise I didn’t mean to… I  _ promise…” _

That dangerous anger began to cloud his thoughts again. Anger at himself. Anger at Zeref. Anger at the  _ world. _

“Why’d you have to take him?” he growled.  _ “Why!?” _

_ Natsu _ had been the one that was supposed to die. He was going to die defeating Zeref, and then everyone else would have been fine, would have been perfectly okay. 

But instead… Natsu had killed Gray. 

A strangled sob escaped him, his entire body shaking as he broke down. He shifted, and Gray’s head twisted, causing Natsu to look him in the eye. 

His awful, dead, blank eyes. 

Natsu reached over to close them, pretending he didn’t see his fingers sharpening into talons again. 

“I’m sorry…” But it didn’t matter that he was sorry. How sorry he was, it would never be enough to bring Gray back, to undo what had just happened, to fix the gashes in his throat that Natsu had put there. 

He didn’t know how long he laid there, next to Gray’s corpse. Long enough for his friend’s blood to stop flowing, for his body to grow even colder than normal, for the awful scent of death to begin smothering out the scent of biting winter winds and pine that Gray normally smelled of. 

He could sense that he was losing himself to E.N.D. again. But it wasn’t like the first time, when he’d just  _ snapped. _ No, this was slower, more… more absolute. 

“I’m sorry,” he said one more time, forcing himself to sit up. 

His scarf slipped from his neck, fluttering to the ground next to Gray, soaking up his blood. 

Natsu went to pick the garment back up, before stopping himself. He didn’t need it. He was about to lose himself for good, wasn’t he? 

Gingerly, he picked the scarf up, careful not to snag it on his talons and tear the fabric. “Keep it safe for me, alright?” he requested as he wrapped the garment around Gray’s neck. 

With the scarf covering his throat… Natsu could almost pretend Gray was asleep. If it weren’t for the lack of a heartbeat, he might have been able to convince himself. 

Natsu forced himself up on shaky legs, stepping away from his best friend’s corpse, the last scraps of his humanity slipping away. 

“Goodbye, Gray.” 


	2. a frozen hell

Honestly, Gray had no idea how they’d gotten here, to this point. What had gone wrong? Was this always inevitable? Were they always going to end up  _ here? _ Sure, they’d fought their whole lives, constantly trying to antagonize the other, but Gray never thought… 

Natsu’s newfound talons tore into his shoulder, and Gray jerked back with a hiss, ignoring the awful tearing sound as his skin and muscle was rent from the bone. Blood splashed onto the ground, the dust and dirt soaking it up greedily. 

Even as he fought back, fought harder than he had in his entire life, Gray still couldn’t believe that this was happening. Natsu, his best friend… 

The enemy he’d sworn to kill. 

E.N.D., the demon responsible for so many horrors, for the suffering and deaths of Gray’s entire family, his Master, had been right here the whole time. 

Were it not for the cold anger, the sheer disgust over being lied to for so long, he was sure he might have been crying. 

It just wasn’t  _ fair. _

Tongues of flame lapped at the battlefield, spreading further and burning hotter as Natsu got more and more erratic, slipped further into something completely feral. 

Gray had no idea how long they’d been fighting now. It felt like forever. Or maybe just a few seconds… He really wasn’t sure. But he knew he hurt. Burns littered his body, and the claw marks in his shoulder weren’t the only ones he’d been awarded. 

But Natsu wasn’t fairing much better. He’d started favoring his right side, frostbite crawling across his chest, and slashes from ice blades decorating his tanned skin. 

But one of them had to give. 

A small part of Gray wanted to try and reason with the dragon slayer. He’d… he’d never been like this before, it was clear he’d just snapped somehow, and if Gray could get through to him, then maybe they could end this. 

But a larger part of him felt hurt,  _ betrayed. _ And  _ this was the demon he’d swore to kill. _

That’s all Natsu was now. A demon. A monster. E.N.D.. 

Gray danced back, narrowly dodging a wave of fire that careened towards him. It didn’t even feel like Natsu’s fire anymore. It was hungrier, darker, not warm and bright, like it used to be. 

His fingers twitched, curling tighter around the blade he’d created. Ranged attacks weren’t going to work on Natsu. His senses and dexterity allowed him to dodge them with too much ease. Gray knew that, he’d always known that. The best way to land a hit on Natsu was to get up close. 

Amber eyes glowed in the smoke. Amber eyes that didn’t belong to Natsu. It wasn’t just the color that was wrong. They were fogged with bloodlust, devoid of the excitement and passion that Gray normally saw in the dragon slayer’s eyes. 

The demon lunged, a horrific snarl ripping from his chest, his talons splayed as he aimed right for Gray’s neck. 

He ducked, feeling the breeze ruffle his hair as Natsu’s swipe didn’t land. Gray passed the knife to his other hand as he lunged upwards, moving faster than the dragon slayer could recover himself. 

The blade sank into Natsu’s chest, and a surprised grunt of pain escaped him. 

Gray twisted the knife, shoving it even deeper, slashing it through skin and muscle, relishing in the crack he heard as it connected with a rib bone. 

Natsu stumbled backwards, shoving Gray away as he did so. His hands scrabbled for the blade stuck in his chest. Pained, choked noises gurgled from his throat as blood began to dribble down his chin. 

Gray couldn’t help the satisfied smile that spread across his face. He’d won. He’d  _ won. _

Flecks of green appeared in Natsu’s eyes again, just as he managed to rip the blade out of him, a gush of blood spurting out. The anger in his expression morphed into shock, then confusion, then  _ terror. _ “Gr—Gray?” he choked out, the last of the amber fading from his eyes. 

He reached his bloodstained hand out, the talons shifting away. Natsu’s fingers barely brushed against Gray’s arm, before he collapsed, falling backwards, dust billowing up around his body. 

A pathetic wheeze echoed, and the flames crawling over the battlefield vanished. 

A hysterical laugh bubbled in Gray’s throat.  _ I did it! I killed E.N.D.!  _

E.N.D. was dead. Gray had killed him. E.N.D. was gone, and… 

_ Natsu’s dead. _

His body went rigid, every muscle in him going taut. 

_ I… I killed Natsu. _

Gray didn’t even realize he was screaming; the ringing in his ears was too loud. His hands dug into his hair, before he clawed them down his face, his nails drawing thin lines of blood. 

_ I killed Natsu. I  _ killed Natsu! 

He staggered a step forward, his breath escaping in panicked gasps as he fell to his knees next to his friend’s body. 

Blood still sluggishly dripped from the knife wound in Natsu’s chest. His chest that was too, too still. Gray turned his gaze to his friend’s face, to his slack expression and glassy eyes. 

Eyes that weren’t amber.  _ Green _ eyes. 

“Oh gods,” Gray sobbed, tears dripping from his eyes before freezing on his cheeks. “Gods, please, no.” He held shaky hands over Natsu’s body,  _ desperately _ trying to come up with a way to fix this, to undo what he’d just done. 

_ I can bring him back, _ he told himself, bracing his hands against Natsu’s chest.  _ I can bring him back and it will all be okay. _

He’d never actually done CPR on a person before, but that didn’t matter. He just had to get the dragon slayer’s heart beating again, and then it would be fine, it  _ would be. _

He shoved against Natsu’s chest, reminding himself not to push too fast, even if he wanted to. 

The tears blurred his vision, Natsu’s blood slicked his fingers.  _ Fuck, how many times are you supposed to do this?  _ Was he supposed to give him breaths, too? He didn’t know! But it didn’t  _ matter, _ he had to  _ try. _

“Please, come on!” he begged as he shoved against Natsu’s chest. He knew his beats were irregular. And… And if the knife had cut into the dragon slayer’s heart, which was likely, this wasn’t going to do a damn thing, but…  _ “Please!” _ he screamed. “I didn’t mean to! I promise I didn’t! Come back! Come  _ back!”  _

His markings spread further across his skin, taking over more of him than they ever had before, but he didn’t even notice. 

Natsu’s blood and body began to go cold beneath Gray’s fingers, the unnatural heat the dragon slayer normally had vanishing. But Gray still refused to give up, even as he felt Natsu’s ribcage crack beneath his palms. 

“This wasn’t what I wanted!” he cried, shoving down even harder. “I never wanted this!” 

Something snapped, and Gray gasped as he felt Natsu’s chest  _ give, _ felt his ribs and sternum actually snap into pieces as he used too much force. 

“No…” He fell backwards, dragging his hands down his cheeks, smearing Natsu’s blood on his face. “No, no, no, no…” His eyes darted from his friend’s body, to the bloody knife lying a few paces away. “You’re not—! You can’t be—!” He gasped, “I can freeze you!” He lurched forward, and laid his hand on Natsu’s mutilated chest. “I’ll freeze you, a-and then I’ll have time to figure something out, and—” 

_ It doesn’t matter.  _

He snapped his mouth shut, a strangled sob forcing its way out through clenched teeth. Natsu had been dead too long, and not even Wendy could revive the dead. 

He screamed, falling forward and burying his face in Natsu’s bloody chest. 

_ I killed him. I murdered my best friend.  _

His markings spread even further as he gripped Natsu’s tattered jacket. Guilt and sorrow and despair flooded through him as the full force of reality slammed into him. 

Natsu was dead; Gray killed him. 

Natsu was  _ dead; _ Gray  _ killed him. _

Gray draped himself over Natsu’s corpse, and he was sure his anguished wails could be heard by the entire battlefield. 

He didn’t even notice his slayer magic flaring, the ice and frost racing across the ground, eagerly coating everything, except his friend’s already too-cold body. 

“I’m sorry…” he lamented, forcing himself to look into Natsu’s blank eyes. “I…. I can’t do this, n-not without you… I won’t say anything about you being E.N.D., I forgive you, I— Please just come back. Get up and call me some stupid name you came up with…” He rubbed at his eyes as more tears fell, dripping onto Natsu’s pale face. “I can’t… I can’t…” 

Something nudged at the edges of his mind, and he finally noticed how far his markings had spread, how they’d taken over half his body now. “Oh…” 

What was it Invel had said about his demon slayer powers taking him over? 

Gray couldn’t say that he cared… Not now… 

He noticed himself slipping, his thoughts getting fuzzy and muddled. All he could feel was Natsu’s blood on his hands, on his face, and the ice around him growing thicker. 

With shaky fingers, he reached up to remove his necklace, slipping it over his head, before tracing the familiar grooves in the cross one last time. 

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen to me…” As gently as he could, he lifted Natsu’s head and put the necklace on him, tucking the chain beneath his scarf. 

The silver pendant shined so brightly against the blood on his chest. 

“Maybe I’ll see you soon, but either way…” He glanced at his hands, black markings eating away at his skin on both of them. “I think I’m done for… But I deserve it, eh?” 

He closed Natsu’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry…” he whispered. 

He broke. 


End file.
